Pros and Cons

Pros
- We got along so well
- He was a kind person
- He would help fix my car
- I am pregnant with his child
- We both love adventures
- He is a very clean person
- cuddling him feels nice
- Sex used to be good
- Comfortable with my body around him
- Generally comfortable with him.
- I truely loved him, with all my heart
- I was genuinely happy with him
- He is respectful
- He hasn't slept with many girls which I liked
- Spends a lot of time with me
- fills up my car & cleans car for me
- I love his family
- Doesn't drink/smoke etc
- Normally would do what I ask him to do when I need help with something etc.

Cons
- He was a financial strain - always quitting jobs, spending savings. I was the one usually paying for everything and saving for our future.
- Quits everything he starts - his apprenticeship, jobs, studies. Blames it on anxiety and then does nothing about it.
- Never initiates sex, barely ever wants to have sex with me and when he does it is always on a Sunday and it's boring. I have a higher sex drive then him.
- Stopped telling me that I am beautiful
- Abandons me and his baby at 30 weeks pregnant.
- Sick of asking for sex and getting rejected all the time.
- Would rather watch TV then talk to me.
- Constantly harassing me to borrow money to buy a car
- Telling me to return to work quickly after baby is born so that he can get his car...
- Not even doing the right thing by me and my baby and paying me back for my furniture
- Never kisses me, holds hands or show affection first. I always have to initiate.
- Wastes money on take-away because he is so fussy with food
- So fussy with food! I find it embarrassing when he tries to avoid eating most things at family functions
- Always wants to go to the same restaurants and eat the same food.
- Emotionally cheated on me with a 31 year old woman WHO HAS MET ME AND KNEW I WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS BABY! Fucking home wrecker.
- Didn't want to or like taking photos with me often.
- Has no drive or ambition to be successful - he just wants an easy job that will pay well.
- He left so easily after one fight & didn't even bother trying to work on our relationship, not even for the sake of our family.
- Treating me like shit after our fight, calling me pathetic etc.

Second heartbreak.

well here I am back again 4 years later. Since the last time I blogged I got into a relationship with a man named Scott. I loved him with all my heart and soul. We got engaged and I thought he was going to be my forever. We moved to Melbourne and I got pregnant. We were excited for the baby and I was so happy to start a family with him. When I was 29 weeks pregnant we had a fight. Our first huge fight. He broke up with me. I tried to give him space and hope that he would change his mind and that he was just scared. 2 weeks of space and the decision to break up is his final decision. I tried begging and pleading to work on our relationship and he didn’t want to.

I am absolutely devastated. I feel like I can’t breathe, and because I’m pregnant I feel like I’m trapped. I cannot even comprehend what is happening. I don’t even understand why it is happening.

I am also having horrible feelings towards my baby. I don’t like him anymore, I don’t want to. I even looked up foods to eat that could harm him. I feel like a terrible person.

Housemate Horrors

I cant stand my housemate because:

- She is a slob
- She doesn't clean up after herself
- She didn't contribute to any house cleaning
- She brought a dog home without asking and didn't toilet train it
- She didn't clean up her dogs shit in the lounge.
- She left crumbs all over the kitchen bench
- She would leave dishes for DAYS
- She never put the dishes away
- She uses my stuff (soap, washing powder, food etc) and does not contribute to the cost of replacing it.
- She never paid her rent on time
- She leaves washing on the line for weeks
- She would leave her washing in the machine for days
- I did so much for her and not once did I get a thank you
- She just uses people
- She is immature
- Her boyfriend could do sooooo much better

I CANT STAND HER AND IM SO GLAD SHE WILL BE MOVED OUT BY TOMORROW

Confused Feelings

So I have been seeing this guy for a while. He is amazing. I never knew that someone could actually treat me so well. I can't describe how he makes me feel. He makes me feel beautiful, worthy, special. I have never felt that way with Danny, well at least not for a long time.

But, he wants a relationship... For some reason I don't want one. And its hurting him that I don't want one yet. But I am not ready. And I am unsure how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I really like him and other times I feel like I don't.

#feelingssuck

Update..

So I haven't blogged in a while.. I have been pretty busy with friends, family and Uni.

So I haven't thought about Danny in a while. Well I've thought about him, but I don't miss him or want him back, thats for sure. I think someone new has helped in that department.

At Bass in the Grass about a month ago (a month after Danny and I broke up) I slept with someone else. He was my friend and we went to school together and we used to hang out a bit (as friends). Sleeping with him helped me a lot to get over Danny I found... Like Danny is no longer the one and only person I've been with in that way. The sex wasn't good that night, I think we were both pretty wasted.

It didn't stop there though. During the week he kept coming over and we kept hooking up. The sex was amazing. Like AMAZING! Best I've ever had to be honest!! And I thought that this would be just a friends with benefits thing.

He developed feelings for me first and he told a mutual friend, who told me. I didn't start to like him until a week after that. But even then I was confused with my feelings. I thought I might be trying to replace Danny somehow. I still feel like that sometimes I guess. I don't want him to be a rebound, and I really feel like that he's not.

So we've been seeing each other for about a month now, he wants a relationship, but I said no for now. But I can definitely see us together in the future :)

Random thoughts...

So Danny has slept with someone else. 2 weeks after we had broken up. She's 30 and from what I see on her Facebook, she's fat as well. It's kind of funny at the same time because she is 8 years older than him and well.. she's bigger than me. After all the times he put me down about my weight its funny that he can sleep with someone else who's twice my size... Maybe she's skinner than she is in the photos. I don't know. It makes me feel better knowing that she's fat.

It still hurts though. Like how could he sleep with someone else so easily? He lost his virginity to me and spent 4 years with me and he can sleep with someone else 2 weeks after we broke up? Like our love meant nothing?

The thought of me sleeping with someone else actually makes me feel sick. I feel like I should sleep with someone else, just to get rid of that feeling that he's slept with someone else and I haven't..

I feel horrible about it. But I feel okay about us separating at the same time.

My counsellor said that in 6 months time he might try and get me back (apparently thats what a lot of men do after dumping their missus)

I am not going to hold on to that, hoping he does that. I need to work on myself.

Speaking of myself. I've lost 10kilos. I've lost it way to quickly though, and I know it. But I kinda like that I've been losing it quickly. That scares me. I've been loosing it quickly because I haven't been eating much at all. I tried to eat a decent meal tonight but and I had like 4 spoonfuls and I was full.

I wake up in the morning and I don't eat because I just think it'll make me fat and that no one will want me. I need to stop this mind frame. But every time I go on the scales and see that I've dropped another kilo. Man it feels good.

I'll try and eat a little more tomorrow...

I feel not so amazing.

So after yesterdays episode where I felt amazing. Today I feel pretty crap.

My stress levels are so high I think I may have anxiety (I have never had anxiety before, so I'm not sure).

I am stressed because I need to get these assignments done by Sunday and I want to go to the paint party at Discovery (night club) tonight.

I am stressed because I can't keep on top of the house work, and theres no one to help me. I can't seem to keep the pool clean, no matter how hard I try. The sprinkler system broke and I can't fix it. I don't even know how to check the oil and radiator in my car! And I know you have to do that often.

I just need some help, just for a little while. Just to help me get on my feet. I was thrown into living alone, and it sucks.

Trying to do these assignments is a mission. :(